


Meet the Merc

by ihavealotofwords



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Aunt May Is A Treasure, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Meet the Family, Prompt Fill, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 02:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1493149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihavealotofwords/pseuds/ihavealotofwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Wade was losing his cool.</p>
<p>Ok, he wasn’t really. He’s Wade fucking Wilson, the damn Merc With a Mouth. He doesn’t lose his cool. Ever. He can face down aliens, guns, even aliens with guns and not lose his cool. He’s cooler than Antarctica! He can keep a level head even when he’s literally losing his head!</p>
<p>So, his cool was kind of slipping. Just a little bit. The tiniest bit. Barely noticeable.</p>
<p>“Come on Wade, it’ll be fine.”</p>
<p>Apparently enough that Peter noticed."</p>
<p>-----<br/>Peter brings Wade home to meet Aunt May.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meet the Merc

**Author's Note:**

> Filled [this](http://fanofallthingsadorkable.tumblr.com/post/41590198589/spideypool-prompt-peter-introduces-wade-to-aunt-may-d) prompt over at [my tumblr](http://fanofallthingsadorkable.tumblr.com/) last year:
> 
> Anonymous asked:  
> spideypool prompt: Peter introduces Wade to Aunt May =D

Wade was losing his cool.

Ok, he wasn’t really. He’s Wade fucking Wilson, the damn Merc With a Mouth. He doesn’t lose his cool. Ever. He can face down aliens, guns, even aliens with guns and not lose his cool. He’s cooler than Antarctica! He can keep a level head even when he’s literally losing his head!

So, his cool was kind of slipping. Just a little bit. The tiniest bit. Barely noticeable.

“Come on Wade, it’ll be fine.”

Apparently enough that Peter noticed.

Wade glared at Peter, who was sitting on the couch in Wade’s living room, watching Wade pace frantically.

“What if she doesn’t like me?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Since when do you care if people like you or not?”

Wade slapped the back of Peter’s head. “She’s different! She’s your Aunt- your family! If she doesn’t approve… I can’t make problems between you two,” Wade fretted, wringing his hands. Peter’s eyes softened. He stood, taking Wade’s hand.

“It’s fine,” he said. “She knows how happy I am with you. That’s what she wants- for me to be happy.”

“You think?”

“I know.”

Wade bit his lip. “If she doesn’t, though…”

“She will,” Peter said confidently. “Now, go get dressed so we’re not late.”

Wade trudged down the hall to his room. He felt panic bubbling up in his chest. He had been so worried, wondering how he could survive this that he had forgotten to pick something out to wear. What did one wear when meeting the boyfriend’s family? Wade dug through his closet. Peter had already said no, he could not wear his Deadpool suit and he, Peter, would burn them all, including the spare hidden in the bathroom, if Wade even tried, so Wade skipped over those. His hand came in contact with something that didn’t feel like red and black spandex, so he grabbed it. It was a tuxedo that Wade had forgotten he had bought. He couldn’t remember what he had bought it for… Maybe the grand opening of that Taco Bell within ten minute walking distance from his apartment?

Wade slipped out of his suit and started tugging the different pieces of the tux on. It actually fit, which was a surprise. Wade’s finger got caught in a hole as he was tugging the shirt on. It was a bullet hole. “Oh yeah. I forgot I got shot in this.”

A knock on the door made Wade flinch. “No, don’t come in. I’m, um, not decent!”

“What?” Peter’s laugh flowed in the room as he opened the door. “Did you just say you weren’t decent?”

“Um, yes?”

“Wade, what are you wearing?” 

Wade looked down at the tux. “It’s the only tuxedo I have. I got all the blood out, but I forgot to patch the bullet hole. Maybe if I get a really big flower to put in my pocket, it’ll cover the… Peter? Why are you laughing?”

Peter clutched at his sides, trying to stand up straight. He wiped at his eyes before stepping forward. “Wade, take that off,” he said, tugging on the tux jacket. Wade waggled his eyebrows.

“Well, if you’re so keen to get me naked,” he shrugged out of the jacket. Peter rolled his eyes.

“No, there’s no time for that,” he scolded. “But you don’t need to wear something like that.”

Peter dug through Wade’s room while Wade took the tux off. He just threw it in the corner, since he would never wear it again. Peter turned, handing Wade a pair of jeans and a button up shirt.

“When did I get these?”

“I went and got them for you last week, when Aunt May said to invite you over,” Peter explained. “I figured you wouldn’t have anything to wear.”

“Hey, thanks Petey,” Wade said as he pulled the clothes on. He walked over to his mirror. “They look pretty good,” he mused. Peter walked up behind him.

“Wade, you have to ditch the mask, too,” he said softly. Wade frowned.

“But, Pete…”

“No buts,” Peter said.

Wade tugged the mask off, staring at his scarred face in the mirror. “If your Aunt sees this, though… She won’t want you with a mon-”

Peter cut Wade off with a hand over his mouth. “Don’t you dare say that, Wade Wilson,” he said sternly. “I don’t care about your damn scars, and neither will Aunt May.”

Wade licked Peter’s hand. Peter made a disgusted noise and pulled back, wiping his hand on his jeans.

“Wade, you’re so gross!” he said. Wade smirked.

“Sorry, things were getting a little too serious for me,” he explained with a shrug. Peter glared at him. “Don’t look at me like that,” Wade stepped forward to kiss the top of Peter’s head. “I guess I’ll trust you on this one.”

“Good,” Peter wrapped his arms around Wade. He stepped back and took Wade’s hand. “We probably should leave now, or we’ll be late.”

Wade heaved a heavy, long-suffering sigh. “Fine. But I better get mind-blowing sex after this.”

Peter slapped the back of his head as they went down the stairs.

“Hey, I was just saying!”

“Shut up, Wade!” 

~~~~~

Overall, it certainly could have gone worse.

Aunt May answered the door so quickly, Wade suspected that she had been standing by the door waiting for them, and somehow knew of Wade’s fantasy of making out with Peter on his front steps. As she let them in, Wade could feel her eyes on his scars, but she didn’t comment. Peter made the first introductions, and Wade shook Aunt May’s hand because he had manners (Peter told him to before they got there).

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Wade said charmingly. Aunt May looked at him suspiciously, but answered all the same.

“And you as well. I’ve heard so much about you from Peter. Please, come in. I just finished with supper, so come on in to the dining room.”

She led them down a clean, cozy hallway into a clean, cozy dining room set with clean, cozy dishes. Wade was beginning to miss his apartment. At least he could walk across the floor there without worrying about trailing dirt or ruining the atmosphere. Wade had to remind himself that he was there for Peter when Aunt May sat him in the chair opposite of Peter. They were too far away to touch, and dammit, Wade had planned on squeezing Peter’s hand to death to keep him calm!

They started eating in silence. The food was good, but Wade had kind of fell out of practice actually eating with silverware (you just pick tacos up and go at them), so he stumbled for a moment before remembering.

“This is very good,” he told Aunt May politely. He resisted the urge to run around and break something to offset the idea of Wade Wilson and polite in the same atmosphere, but if he was going to fail this he was going to make sure no one could say he hadn’t tried.

“So, Wade, what do you do for a living?”

Wade glanced at Peter, wide eyed. “Oh, Peter didn’t tell you?” he stalled. Aunt May’s eyes narrowed.

“No, he never mentioned it. I assume you have a job, of course, since you’re not school age.”

“Yes, I,” Wade searched for the words, “do odd jobs here and there.”

“Odd jobs,” Aunt May echoed, clearly unimpressed.

“Yes, odd jobs. They pay well. They’re, well, very odd jobs.”

Peter kicked Wade under the table and Wade took a bite to keep from having to say something. Aunt May turned to Peter to ask about his day, and Wade breathed a sigh of relief.

The rest of the food was eaten without any more mishaps. Once the plates were clear, Aunt May turned to Peter.

“Peter, dear, would you go into the kitchen. Dessert is in the oven. It probably likes about ten minutes. Do go watch it, and take it out as soon as the timer goes off.”

Peter glanced at Wade in panic. “Oh, well, I… Yes ma’am,” he said obediently. Wade shot him a look that clearly said ‘Don’t leave me here!’, but Peter went into the other room. Wade gulped as he turned to Aunt May.

“I’m going to cut to the chase here,” she said, leaning forward to look at Wade. “I don’t like Peter dating anyone. He’s a sweet boy, and I don’t want him to get hurt.” Wade opened his mouth to protest, but Aunt May shot him a look that made him close his mouth with a snap. “Peter’s been getting into trouble a lot lately. I don’t know what he’s been doing, and I can’t stop him. However,” she leaned back, “ever since Peter started talking about you, he’s been coming home with less bruises, and I don’t think he’s had a black eye in weeks. You obviously know what he’s been up to.”

“I can’t tell you,” Wade said firmly. “That’s not my secret to tell.”

Aunt May nodded. “I know. I don’t expect you to. However, I want you to keep watching over him. You look like you can hold your own. Keep Peter safe.”

Wade nodded. Ever since he had moved and met Peter, he had been helping him by not only tagging along on his patrols as Spider Man, but also by teaching him better self defense. It was true Peter was safer with him around. He wasn’t going to let anyone hurt Peter.

Aunt May studied Wade’s face closely. She obviously saw something she liked, because she nodded with a smile. “You treat my boy well, alright?”

Peter came back in then, expression guarded. He obviously didn’t know what to expect, but he looked relieved when Wade smiled at him. He sat the dessert in front of them. Aunt May started talking, making the tense air break. 

~~~~~

Once everything had been eaten, Aunt May said goodbye to Wade, taking his hand in a firm grip. Peter walked Wade to the door. He stepped outside with Wade and sighed. 

“That wasn’t too bad,” he admitted. Wade chuckled.

“I like your Aunt,” he said. Peter smiled.

“I’m glad.”

Peter stepped forward, standing on tiptoe to kiss Wade softly. Wade wrapped his arms around Peter’s waist, pulling him closer. He nipped and licked until Peter’s lips parted under his. Peter let out a groan, and Wade’s hand slipped lower. He had just cupped Peter’s butt firmly when a window above them opened. Wade and Peter sprang apart as Aunt May stuck her head out the window.

“Isn’t the weather lovely today?” she called down at them. “It was nice to meet you Wade. I hope to see you again soon!”

Peter blushed and ran back inside. Wade cursed in his mind. Aunt May had to know about his front porch make out fantasy. She just had to!

Wade could hear laughter floating out of the open window as he left.


End file.
